I hate it when you fall ill... I feel so useless and helpless. I can't even call you to see how you are so I feel restless. You don't know how much I wish I had the chance to look after you.

You know those early days.. when I used to fancy you so much.. the days I hated when you come near me to log me in to the computer... I used to imagine myself in you wife's shoes. I thought she is the luckiest woman on earth... I thought how wonderful it would be to look after you and your kids.. cook your favourite meal.. get your shirts ironed and ready for the next day.. keep the house nice and tidy and tell you off when you make mess... have dinner parties for all our friends.. tell your kids what a wonderful person their dad is... sit and watch your movie with them and explain to them every bit of it.... and then my friend at your work place would say "look she is smiling to herself again sitting behind the PC.." and I'd wake up... and feel so silly for even imagining something like that. I thought I wont even cross your radars.. because of my size (0)... if not for anything.

I really hope you are relaxing at home. I am so worried too... I really hope I get to hear from you tomorrow...

xxx

Now where do I start.... originally I wanted this to be a movie.. I wanted to write a script.. this is how it was going to start. One autumn afternoon.. a girl dressed in a long yellow coloured beautiful dress sitting on a bench near the Thames, facing the big Ben and the Parliament and those beautiful boats on the river. She is writing book, everything she wanted to say to the man she loves, and the story unfolds...
Yet I thought what's the point. I will never be able to make that in to a movie. So I thought I'll create a blog instead and let u read it one day when I have to let you go. At least you will have this to read so you'll never forget me or any of the moments we had.
I met you this morning at the Costa cafe in Waterloo. I saw you after 2 days, and believe me it was a long time. Funny how I still miss you when I don't see you for couple of days, even after 5 months. I guess the spark is still there. We had a laugh about the John Lennon song you sent me. I wanted to say to you that I absolutely loved that song. Remember you told me about it that day after the party at your work place?. We were crossing the Waterloo bridge in the rain... I remembered the song from then. I wanted to e-mail you back that I loved the song.. but I was mad at you that day..(sorry...) so I didn't. I hope the song was for me. Even though you must have given it to god knows how many girls....
It was lovely seeing you today and Thanks for saying that I looked pretty...I get all shy when you say it and then I get all paranoid when you don't. Now that's a secret you didn't know.. Don't worry I'll tell you everything that I have never said before in this blog.
love you.