Even though I have been saying this often it never hit me hard until now I think... I seriously wont be able to come to London after next week!!. How am I going to see you?.. I know I can always talk to you through the phone but its not the same is it.
You know when I walk pass coffee shops the smell reminds me of you..(funny I said that I think of you all the time anyway) I never used to drink coffee until I met you. Didnt even know the difference of Lattes, mochas and cappuccinos and etc etc.. ha ha now I am an expert!!.
For the 1st time in my life, I have started not likeing the summer!, I loved the past winter, I loved kissing you under the london eye,. now I hardly get to kiss you. Rememer I said I love your smell the other day? you know why..? those days when I used to like you so much and never ever thought anything will happen between us, the only thing I had of you is the smell. That's all I could have from you.. when you used to come near me I used to take a deep breath.. and then I smelt you even at home.... So I still like your smell.. it reminds me of that time I loved you sectretly.
I sometimes wonder why I met you like this... why we fell for each other... Do u??

Hmmm, I dont want to go to Barbados! Do u know why, You are not going to belive this. I dont like the feeling of being so far away from you. Seriously!!. That's why I had to follow you when you went to Sri Lanka last time.
You know I was thinking last night, Your mom passed away at the same time as I was in Thailand right? So when she went to heaven she probably met that God I told you about and said to him "my little boy needs lots of love.. he seemed a bit lonely" and probably the God said "A girl visited me today and said she had lots of love to give and she too was lonely... lets see what I can do"...
Ok ok I know my imagination isn't going to make me the next J.K Rolling, but as silly as that story sounded I believe it!!! yeah.. a part of me does.
I love u sooooo much..

I didn't write anything for a long time. I guess I was a bit down.
You know I remembered recently, when I went to Thailand, I went to this temple and our tourist guide said there is this statue there believed to be a God, and if you stick this gold piece of paper on it and wish something it comes true. I never believed in these things so I sticked that piece of paper and wished for love and to feel love and to be loved...!! that night I left Thailand to come to England and reached home around 1 am in the morning, next day I started my work experience...!!! I wonder what I'd wish for if I go there again....
I wonder if that statue did anything or not but you made me feel every single feeling I was craving for, (even the bad once like jealousy, anger, ) and you made me feel alive. I think of you all the time and I dream of you when I sleep. I don't even know how all this happened,, Do u? but I wont change a single minute of it.. even the times I was hurt.. the times I felt like you didn't care.. I wont change any of it.
love u..
xxx

Its a Monday today, I finished my lectures at 1.30 but hanging around till 5 so that I can see you.
Remember that day you were surpriced about me remembering the wife's birthday? Of course I emiled you and said I remember every single minute of that time..(eventhough you didnt bother to say anything about it).
You know, something quite funny happened on my 1st day of work experience. I had returned from Sri Lanka that morning around 1am, and I was quite tired and jet lagged, however all that tiredness just went out of the window the moment you turned up at work. I just didn't understand why.. anyway It was that little rebel of your assistant doing the programme that day, and I was sitting on that chair so bored nothing to do... All of a sudden he turned around and asked you, literally - "Machan umbe eka kochchara digada...?" (of corse he was talking about the programme).. Oh my god! I wanted to laugh and I couldn't help but look at you. Then I quickly took my eyes away from you and you said "atak digai"... and I thought... OOOh!!! It was so difficult not to look at you when you said that but I was so damn scared. I wonder if you saw me looking at you that day... it was quite funny.

Ah.. if I start writing everything that I remember you'll never be able to finish reading this.. but I promise I'll write all the highlights in here..

I didn't write anything for couple of days. I guess I am still a bit all over the place. I just don't know what to do with myself. I asked you if you loved me the other day simply because I needed reassurance... I think. After this whole job saga.. I have started to think that you don't care about me and I am so trying to think otherwise but its difficult.
Even though you said at the station that day you loved me... I feel like you love yourself, not me. You probably love the fact that I am around. You probably love the excitement and the fact that there is something else in your life to keep you going.
Remember I told you about my worse nightmare coming true.. You forgot to ask me what it was... I'll write it another day. I have no energy to think of that today. I am down with a cold and a cough, I still came to uni to return equipment.. ( and to see you).
I am glad the shooting is over and I am sad that things are coming to an end. I don't know what I'm going to do after April. Never mind something good will come along....
xx

Hmmm, I should never have asked you what that silly mistake was. That made me think about things all over again. If you had said that before.. I would have still written that poem.. and it would have been worth it. I sent you an e-mail asking if you loved me? Lets see if you are going to reply to that.
Remember I laughed to myself when you told me what the mistake was. You know what... I thought of that myself before all this happened but I didn't say anything because it was you place to say something. Day before that test Sanjay made me promise him that I'll do it properly because he believed if I get the job I'll keep a distance with you if ever we have to work together and most of all he knew having the name in my CV would be use full.
People who told me off or got too surprised when I didn't get the job knew, most probably the I was the most suitable candidate for that, that's why they were upset! But none of these even crossed your mind.. you said in that e-mail when you love someone you think of them all day and dream of them when you go to sleep. It doesn't look like you think of me at all... or is it that you are too busy thinking about your dreams and talking about what you want to do.
I purposely refused that internship with Ealing studios.. if you cared enough you would not have waited till I was so upset to write that e-mail. Knowing I mucked up the test for you the least you could have done was make some effort. It was too late when you did it.
I still love you a lot, and care for you too and I still miss you when I don't get a call from you.. but now I'm wondering.. who am I to you???

I don't like you flirting too much. Even though you say it was to get a reaction. Its too much and you get enough reactions and actions from me as it is, so why try so hard. That e-mail you sent to her was full of "Pani". You do make me wonder sometimes. I sometimes feel like I was probably just another woman that came across you way, but only difference is that I made a move. If it was anyone else it would have been the same. Funny thing is I am too scared to ask you.. just in case if you say yes. I have a feeling you would say yes too.. or may be not.. I don't know.
Also you never told me what that silly mistake we both made.. remember you said that at the NFT? I am not going to ask you what it is again but I'll see if you remember and tell me. Then again you won't remember.. there were so many things I wanted to know and you never gave the answers to. Probably the old age... ;-)
xxx